mistress_shiny: alex smiling (Default)
[personal profile] mistress_shiny
my isp is SO unreliable it's just UGH!!!
they keep saying there's nothing wrong, but if there is nothing wrong why is there NO DIAL TONE ON MY PHONE!
and now a ficlet - drabble-fragment - moment in time - whatever you want to call these things.

"Relax Sammy, just keep your eyes on the road."
"Fuck. Road, right Dean, how am I supposed to concentrate when you are... are..."
"Gun fights always get me riled up now Sammy, Just trying to loosen my load."
"It’s Sam."
"Now Sammy that’s not what you said last night. Last night you were all—"
"Oh no, I know that wasn’t the tequila talking Sammy. Not the tequila at all, begging me to call you Sammy while I fucked you six ways from Sunday. You’ve got a dirty little mouth when you want to college boy."
"You know that’s what I'm thinking about right now don’t you Sammy. I’m thinking about your dirty little mouth. And how nice it looked wrapped around my cock in that bathroom stall last night."
"DUDE! Keep your eyes on the road, you scratch my car and I swear I’m gonna—"
"Gonna what Dean? Just... Just keep it in your pants until we get to the motel."
"The motel?? That’s four hours away Sammy, I can’t wait four hours when you look so pretty."
"What? You are pretty Sammy, you’re so damn pretty when you come."
"Dean, if you don’t get back on your side of the car, scratching the paint is going to be the least of our problems."
"But Sammy, I like it so much better over here. I can put my mouth. Just. Here."
"Heh. I knew you’d like that."
"Oh god."
"Why don’t you pull over Sammy."
"Yeah, umm, GOD! Good idea."
"That’s my boy."

is it any good?
should i post it somewhere?
it's all that will come to me for my [livejournal.com profile] highwaymiles prompt.

Date: 2006-05-13 09:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lyssiebaby.livejournal.com
I was v. entertained, dear, but before you post you may want to edit it quick - Add in some quotation marks and a few capitalization fix-ups :)

Date: 2006-05-13 09:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mistress-shiny.livejournal.com
Did I get all the capitals?
I am terrible with capitals.
I wasn't sure about the quotation marks - but if you noticed their absence then in they go!
thanks for giving real feedback - it's much appreciated.

Date: 2006-05-13 09:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beluga.livejournal.com
Hey. This is not bad!:-)
It's actually pretty hot..

I think it deserves to be fleshed out..at least a tiny bit.. Perhaps make it more obvious who's saying what? (I might just be the most stupid girl out there, but I had to re-read some lines to make sure I knew who was saying what) But you don't *have* to.

Hmm.. And some space between some of the lines doesn't hurt.. -But not needed if you don't want..

I'm not a fab beta, but if you want I can totally have a go at it and email it back to you and you can see if you like it better.. / give you an idea..
Dunno if that works for you, but it's what my beta does with me. Sometimes she changes alot and I'm against most of it, but so far, there's always a line or a word that I keep..

Anyways.. The writer is the boss and that is you, I'm just saying I'm always here if you need me:-)

But anyways. You can totally post it as it is in case you wondered:-D


Date: 2006-05-13 11:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mistress-shiny.livejournal.com
please! feel free! it's not my normal style but i've been so caught up in not wrting for so long that my usual style is out the window.
I'd love to have you beta!
my email is mistress.shiny@gmail.com

Date: 2006-05-13 02:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beluga.livejournal.com
Oki. I mailed it. Let me know what you think.


mistress_shiny: alex smiling (Default)

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